When you live the life of a hermit, communication skills generally become rather rudimentary. Mine usually ride the range of technology. I feel safe in the world of black and white blinking cursors. There, things are black and white. What I write is what I mean. If there is a suggestion of something deeper, it can be uncovered in the permanent pages. Face to face conversations, and (god forbid!) phone calls, make my life a living hell. Suddenly body language can tell a story that contrasts tone of voice. You can lose yourself not only in the juxtaposition of contradictions, but you may also lose the tried and true signs of attraction—signs which I recently sleuthed the Internet for. (A bit ridiculous? I was desperate. And I flirt like a broken faucet.)
I should have a button that says, “Don’t talk to me. I’m Awkward.” Someone better watch out.

Saturday, March 10, 2012

Season 4 iv: Dishes Under the Sink

Setting: My apartment
We all know I have terrible luck in the man department. It has come up. Over. And over. I pick them uninterested. It’s a talent of mine. But, failed luck has made me more courageous. What is there to lose when you know you are bound to fail? Low expectations=high risks when it comes to my love life. I have thrown caution to the wind too many times to count. Why not stumble and fall? By the 5…00th time you stop feeling the bruises. Trust me. I know. And so I threw out my logic and went snarky on him.
I was only teasing back about a solo night drinking. Well, teasing and totally plotting out the best way to make him come over (an event I knew from history would never happen). Hell, I was still driving back from the mall as I wrote the text in my head. The bottle wasn’t even open when I sent the first text to join me for a drink. And I was way too busy spot cleaning my apartment and shoving the dirty dishes under the sink to open the bottle before the final text that announced his approach. The cork didn’t actually come out until I had Katie on the phone with one of the most unexpected calls and panic in my voice. I had half the glass gone by the time I opened the door and hung up on Katie. There he was… shit. 

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