Season 4 xiv: Confirmed

Setting: HSC

My students were on a roll this morning. Not only were they taking swings at the curriculum, but they were also digging into my love life. Sam, one of my favorite annoyances, was on to me from the beginning. When I said I hadn't been sleeping well, a comment that was connected to one Casey made moments before, he immediately jumped to the correct conclusion that it was over a boy. I denied, liberally, but they kept searching. Tarran began to ask if it might have been the guy I was hanging out with at the dance. She even went on to say that he had said I looked cute. Ha, right. I doubt he did. I am sure she was looking for a reaction from me. I guess I will never know. I don't plan to bring up my love life with my students again. And then there was Lindsey. She decided that if I did not confirm or deny their allegations, she would go and speak to Mr. Season IV about the situation. I was cornered--so I lied. And that covered the bases...Until Tarran began to suggest different guys she knows who are my age, landing on Piano Man as the ultimate choice. But...we won't go there.

Setting: Logan High, English Office, Room 222

We didn't have a chance to talk yesterday. He was too busy showing next quarter's girl the ropes. He joked around with me a little in the middle of it all. But it wasn't playful...or if it was, I was starting to be upset with him and didn't take it the right way.

Toward the end of eighth hour Leslie came up to visit. We chatted for a bit. She had to catch up with Mr. Season IV about some tennis stuff. I tuned everything out, connecting to my music to block out my discomfort. He doesn't ask after me; I am always there. I am beginning to think he takes that for granted. Perhaps it is good that he leaves after four more days. He also found it necessary to joke about Tuesday's game night, laughing about our undercover evening as he suggested more to come.

At the end of the hour, Leslie brought up ice cream. We had planned to meet. A chance to get away from our problems and pretend summer had arrived. She invited him along. I don't know if it was willingly or if it was because he asked about it. But, he had been invited, and I had been put on confirmation duty--awkward. But I followed through, asking him minutes before we parted if he was in...unfortunately he was.

Setting: Culvers

I met Leslie and Emily there. We ordered ice cream and began to dish. We talked school, my possible future occupation misfortune, and, after his text confirming our extended presence, Mr. Season IV. And then he showed up, catching us all by surprise.

He acted all macho, calling the shots about Thursday's drinks, offering Emily his knee for her seat, keeping his sunglasses on (something I thoroughly disliked). And then he was talking about her again. Apparently they have been hanging out a lot. Apparently he is "interested in her." I wanted to stop listening. I wanted him to go to work. I stopped looking at him and eventually put on my sunglasses. If he read body language, he would have known. Instead he asked me about my senior dating life story. And I unloaded it. Although, halfway through I caught myself, covering my bases and leaving the lie I had told my seniors as the truth I told Mr. IV. After all, he is the guy who steals my sleep.

Setting: Best Buy

After Mr. IV left for work, Emily and I cleared out. She had to check in on her hubby, and I needed to keep my mind off of all things man. So we went, talked about my confusion, played with undefined technology and acted silly. After awhile we plunked down in the "lounge" and chatted out my plans. I have decided, somewhere inside, that I am going to tell him. I haven't worked it to the top yet, but it is getting there. Emily talked me through some of it as I shared the results of previous seasons and unfolded my plan for potentially ending this one. I don't know when I will make my move, but I am nearly sure it will be soon.

Setting: Barnes and Nobel

Eventually Emily went, and I was left to my own devices (a rather dangerous thing). With my brilliance, and my undercut anger, I decided to follow through with some previous plans to head to B&N to get some work done. When those plans had developed, I hadn't known that Mr. IV would be working there. However, with ice cream came that realization. And, while I second-guessed my choice, I ended up going through with it. I holed up in the Starbucks section, working through two stacks of paragraphs before I gave up, too antsy to continue. After packing up, and plugging in the book I wanted to find, I began to browse the store.

I am pretty sure I walked right past him on my way to the letter L, but I didn't stop, and I didn't look both ways. I didn't want to see him. And he didn't say my name, didn't try to find me. I kept roaming, even after I didn't find my book. I didn't see him, didn't scope him out. And I was looking at the discount section before he reappeared...right in my line of vision. I pretended I hadn't glimpsed him. He took a couple seconds and then came over. He had something snarky to say, and I dished back a, "get to work." We chatted a little longer, walking an aisle apart. And then he was gone, ringing someone up and leaving me to peruse. I only stayed a little longer.

When I got home, I doubled checked with Katie and deleted his number. I have had enough trouble for a while.